Why I never stick to anything....

Well recently I decided to drink my way through my cocktail book. This came to a halt quickly as I quit my cushy salaried job and became poor again. Now I have no money to buy alcohol that I am not sure I'll like. Maybe someday I'll get back on the creative drinking train. It is a fun idea. But like I said... I am poor again. Lame.

In all honesty the thing that stops me the most from doing things is not instantly having all the supplies. I lose momentum in the time it takes me to gather everything. Its like "Oh I need a dremel for this but its 2am..." so you wait till the next day and have work, finally you get a dremel... By that time my brain is already on to about twenty new ideas. Sadly. What I'm saying is we need 24 hour craft and hardware stores. Also I need a bigger house. I think my productivity would greatly increase if I had a bigger workspace. And if my cats paws were tied behind her back. She will seriously play with ANYTHING you put in front of her. Or even if you put it somewhere else she WILL find it.

I am also really bad at sticking to resolutions like "eat better and get into shape"... I try all the time... but its always up and down. One week I get to tons of ballet classes and the gym. The next week I eat cheeseburgers and play video games ALL the time. There needs to be some balance. I just like food too much. Well that is one excuse. But I also like working out and yet I don't go. Now if I could teleport it would be all gravy. I would be at the gym all the time. Also I could easily get to the store to buy healthy food.

And if I could time travel I could easily get a dremel at 2am.

Perfect.

Random Writings

I was bored...

I think the reason I like writing is because I suck at talking. And don’t tell me I don’t because I seriously do. I can’t tell a story for the life of me, nor anything with a point to it. I tend to talk in mumbo-jumbo word salad. Expressing things this way is extremely frustrating…especially when you can’t find words and make up your own phrases as substitutes. You just can’t trust people to know what you mean by comparing a sousaphone to a “cracked out crayfish with a banana in its ear”. I feel in general my thoughts are much more organized in writing and I am much better at finding words through my fingers than my mouth. And even if is not that much better, writing generally affords you time to tweak it. Regardless, my writing is still quirky and probably misleadingly interesting for a moment until you realize that there will not actually be bagels at the end of it.

Because I feel like it… lets talk about things I hate. No, sorry, I hate way too much stuff. Trying to be positive here… lets talk about things I enjoy or would enjoy if they happened. I realize this is less interesting for you, but it is infinitely much better for my brain.

Firstly, a new one, I enjoy the show “Gossip Girl”. I think it may be replacing “Sex and the City” as my favorite show. I love “SATC” but “Gossip Girl” is just so much more relevant to my age and problems. And the fashion is divine and much more accessible. And I have a girl crush on Blake Lively, her nose makes me feel better about mine. Also, Penn Badgely is cute, if overly troubled by trivial things and a penchant to act retarded and break up with Serena all the freaking time. Also I love Chuck Bass’ character, very good…tons of development happening, juicy. Keep in mind I am behind by about a season…but please? What happened to the colleges? In the beginning of the show, Dan wants to go to Dartmouth, Serena to Brown, Blair is obviously Yale, Nate is the black sheep who wants USC, and yada yada yada. But now they’re ALL freaking going to Yale. Or not, but that’s the only school mentioned (I know that there was some plot point about Dan and Dartmouth’s lit program really being Yale, but that’s just stupid needless details). And I’m on season 2, but I was impatient and read all the synopsis’s and find out everyone goes to NYU!!!! Hello?! I mean I know it was just so all the characters could stick around and the show could go on, but really? Couldn’t you have thought about that from the start? However I enjoy it regardless and I trust that eventually Dan and Serena will figure it out. Also, crack equals not a good idea.

Secondly, something I would enjoy. Stuffed animals. Call me silly, but I love my stuffed animals. Yes I still sleep with them. They’re always there for me and never criticize. A very nice present would be a nice stuffed animal, it seems cheesy but if it’s a nice one and not one of those ones that is mass produced for Valentine’s Day it really wouldn’t be. I guess that’s something you never think of buying for a twenty-three year old. But in elf years I’m like 10, so it totally makes sense.

Third, I enjoy this Midnight Pomegranate candle from Bath and Body Works. It’s the second one I’ve been through…the scent is nice although not easily definable, like most candles. But sometimes you just like things without being able to quantify it and just roll with it. That’s what that candle is like.
More about why I like writing. Because I suck at talking. Oooops, I think I may have already told you that. I would LOVE to be someone who is a great communicator and always honest and truthful about how I feel. However, I do realize that I am not this. Even if I tried to express how I feel all the time people would probably just wonder why the gremlin was speaking out of turn. It just comes out sort of convoluted and gobbledy-gooky. If you were just thinking “Hey I bet spell check doesn’t like that word”, well you’d be right. Ok, moving on past the gorilla cage….

Number four, stickers. I love stickers. I put them on my pens for work.... I save them... I put them on my laptop.... I especially have a lot of Batman stickers. One of my laptops has a Batman sticker on the cover and a Batman screen saver... So when I pull the laptop out (it's name is "The Beast" by the way) I yell "Batman!!!" and then when I open the cover I yell "Batman!!!" and when I close the cover I ye.... Yeah, this WILL go on all day.

Fifth, I love Batman. I enjoy Batman. I have Batman mugs, Batman stickers, Batman note pads, Batman sheets, comforter, stickers, belaying action figure, etc. All my computers have Batman screen savers except my net book "The Beastling" which has the animated X-Men because they're cool too. "The Beast" and "The Beastling" both have these names because they are a pain in the ass and I have had to wipe both of their hard drives. Wiping hard drives is not as hard as waiting for the week of updates afterwards.

So there, I like Batman.

A ridiculous scene work up I never used...

I wrote this for an acting class recently... It was the scenario for a very simple dialogue... I tried to make the most ridiculous choices possible for my back story. I got sick that day of class and never got to use it.

Girlfriends

Kara and Lisa are bffs. They grew up together, went to school together, they now both work in the fashion industry as buyers but for rival companies. But they NEVER go a day without talking.

Today is Saturday around 10am… They have a Saturday ritual of ALWAYS meeting for coffee at their favorite Starbucks in the Marina near their apartments. They don’t even have to call or text to confirm…NOTHING gets in the way of Saturday coffee (except for maybe a really hot guy or a trip to France…but these are acceptable reasons).

Thursday night the girls went out to a super hot club in the city and they were partying with all the cool people and they spotted one of the guys from their favorite show; Entourage. Lisa caught the eye of Kevin who plays Johnny Chase and is now dancing with him and Kara is doing her best to twitter this on her iPhone but some greasy looking dude keeps bumping into her. Kara gets really pissed off at this guy and moves down the bar further, but she loses sight of Lisa. When she comes back she trips and breaks her heel (oh no!) and still can’t find Lisa. She tries texting her but has no luck… Because they are bffs after all, she hangs around for awhile and hobbles to the bathroom a few times to look for Lisa. She finally gives up…having seen neither her friend nor the Entourage star and catches a ride home….

Friday is a rough day, Kara has a ton of appointments to look at clothing for the new season coming up plus a wicked hangover and a sore ankle from her heel incident. She shoots a text to Lisa a few times, but hears nothing… but she doesn’t really worry since she knows Lisa can take care of herself. (One time in high school Lisa gave a guy a concussion with her purse because he was harassing Kara.)

So today, Saturday…. Kara is already settled at the bar counter that looks over the street when Lisa walks in smiles makes her way to the counter and grabs her favorite chai tea latte before joining her…. Their discussion ensues as Kara tries to get the dirt from Lisa on what happened Thursday night….

Lisa is a little bit shy about it, shes never slept with anyone who is a celebrity and she just doesn’t do one night stands….but she knows that’s probably all it is, obviously… But then Johnny called her on Friday and wants to take her out this weekend and has extended his stay in the city just because of her. So she is playing a little coy about the whole thing when Kara starts asking.

Best Intentions

I was thinking today, about my high school yearbook quote. My chosen quote was "Reach for the moon, because if you miss you'll still land on a star". I know, cliche, but a quote I believe in none the less. I think its beautiful and true. If you really reach for it, let go with two hands and reach, you'll get somewhere. Even if you don't become "successful" at least you will have that knowledge that you tried. Now, what I was realizing today, was what a hypocrite I am. I use this quote and never follow though on it. I really never have said "Fuck it", taken that leap of faith, and tried. I guess that is pretty sad. Instead of reaching for the moon all this time I have been reaching for the appetizer plates. Lame. It is 2010, a time for doing and closing your eyes and jumping off the edge of uncertainty and trying a good try before you settle on an eternity of creme brulee.

I often say I don't know what I want. But that is a lie. I do know what I want. I'm just afraid to take it.

Drinking through my cocktail book... Part 1 of many...

As "research" for the bar I will own in the future, I have decided to drink my way through my cocktail book. I figure you might as well try everything once to get an idea of what you like and what doesn't work. And I drink a lot anyways, so its likely I will actually get somewhere with this mission as it only requires me to be more creative with my drinking time. The book I am using is called "The New American Bartender's Handbook". (Yes I know, I could use the black book, but its so cliche.) Since the back of the book breaks everything down by the main spirit used in it I have decided to start with Vodkas. Last night I made the first two drinks a "57 T-Bird" and an "Absolut Hero".

First off was the "Absolut Hero". This is the ingredient line up.

I know, I know, you're thinking "Is that an egg???" Yes it is. The recipe calls for egg white, and I wanted to do it right, so I made one with the egg and one without.

On eggs, from Drink Dogma,

"While the ice comparison is a useful argument, instead of cooling and adding water to cocktails , egg whites act as an emulsifier forging the independent ingredients together. As A Companion for the Young Imbiber explains, when an egg is shaken with a cocktail the proteins become physically agitated and then recollect near air, drastically changing the texture of drinks and creating a foamy layer on top. Alone, this foam would cave quickly, but the presence of citrus juice in many drinks functions as a stabilizer, increasing the longevity of the foam. To get all scientific, the acidity changes the pH of egg whites and promotes the presence of hydrogen ions which makes the egg foam more airy and durable. The same occurs when espresso is shaken with lemon juice, the protein in the espresso is agitated and the citric acid creates a dynamic and flavorful foam."

You can read the rest of this post here.

Here is our finished product.

"Absolut Hero"

1 oz blackcurrant vodka

1 oz lemon vodka
1 oz melon liqeur

2/3 oz fresh lime juice

2/3 oz egg white

soda water

lime wedge to garnish

Mix all but soda in a mixing glass, strain over ice in a highball, top with soda, and garnish.

Tasting Notes- You can definitely tell the interaction of the eggwhite and lime juice. The eggwhite dulled the citrus flavour, causing the black currant to stand out more. The one made without eggwhites had a stronger flavor of citrus. I didn't like the drink that much though. It would definitely be refreshing but the flavor, while sweet, was not overly interesting.

Not really something I would make again or order.

The second drink of the night was a "57 T-Bird". And here are the ingredients...

Again, a little odd... somewhat fruity and then... amaretto?

And the finished product.

"57 T-Bird"

1oz vodka

2/3 oz amaretto

2/3 oz peach schnapps

2/3 oz melon liqeur

1 2/3oz orange juice

Shake all ingredients together and strain over ice into an old fashioned glass.

Tasting Notes- Very sweet. My partner in crime called it "candy". The amaretto makes the drink, balancing out the sweet of the fruit juice and liqeurs with a still sweet yet different flavor.

Definitely one to remake.

On Writing

One of the many things I want to do this year is to write a book. Probably not a story, I don't even know where to start and where to go with stories. I'm thinking something ala David Sedaris...sortof situational and rambly. It's so hard to just start though. Well, its hard to start doing anything. For me anyways. I have ideas, execution fails a lot though. But writing is fun, enjoyable, takes no capital....but fleshing stuff out is a pain, story arcs suck, and its all self motivation. There is nothing and no one to carry you except yourself. Oddly, I find I am too lazy to write sometimes. It's like "oooh I could write lines and lines of detailed observations on cupcakes", but when you get right down to it you just feel like writing "Meh. Cupcakes are nice." How lame is that? It's not like it takes actual effort to write.... Well it does, like brain efforts and time. But it's definitely easier than weight lifting. However googling "Platypi on skateboards" is also easier than writing. This is why I took up blogging...it's an acceptable media for random short writings. (Btw, "googling" is not an acceptable word according to spell check.) (Maybe a chapter of my book will focus on unacceptable spell check words.) But even at blogging I fail. Because there is a sortof time requirement that it be consistant. Really the overall product of writing would be much more impressive for me if I wrote it all and published it at once, ala, a book. Because no one would notice the time gaps. Until, of course, I get a publisher. And then I'm screwed.

In other news...

I have decided to become independently wealthy. Not sure what the game plan is yet, I'll keep you updated.

Changing the turn signal assembly on your car is disappointingly easy. The only way to make it easier is to make a neighborhood kid do it for a popsicle. Trust me, it's not worth paying him more.

Cirque du Soleil is ZOMG FUCKING AMAZING!!!!! Please go. The artistry, creativity, strength, grace, attention to visual and aural details, beauty, performance value has blown EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN out of the water! Call me and I will talk about it forever.

Ben Folds. I want one.

Why does everyone laugh when I say "I was reading Bartender magazine today..."?

Speaking of bar... I am experimenting for my future bar. Next project is infusing liquors... Vodka is obviously a given... I want to try some random stuff.... Basil, ginger, lavender, roses... Rose tequila sounds good. Now would you use rose hips or rose petals? Also, making homemade syrups.... After that, bathtub gin... Haha jk. Oh yeah...wondering how you make coffee liqeur... I think my mom knows this one. Did you know Corzo tequila is the only tequila that uses the process of sparging? It helps the tequila to breathe.

This week is going to be stupid busy. My brother and his girlfriend are going to be visiting, my mom is going to be visiting, I'm getting my hair done, and etc...

Also my friend Ben is reteaching me to drive a manual... Super excited, but its scary....

Also Patrick will excomunicate me if I don't play more L4D with him.

Shmancy.

A Post About Bathrooms

This is a bathroom blog.

So today I walk into the public restroom at work. There is a woman brushing her teeth in there. Not just a little touch up...or de-onion-ifying wash.... But a full on brush-brush-brush, gargle-gargle-gargle, swish-swish-swish teeth cleaning. In a public restroom.

Now maybe I am crazy for thinking her crazy.

Now maybe she is crazy.

Now maybe I am vain because I would never brush my teeth in a public restroom.

Maybe I just have a mild OCD/issues with social behaviours.

But I really think people who do things like that are crazy.

Have you ever been sitting on the toilet in a public restroom taking a dump, when a particularly manly (or in a man's case- womanly) set of feet/shoes pass while finding a stall? Sometimes I freak out inside and start to wonder if I am in the wrong restroom by mistake. At which I start to try to remember where each restroom is loacted and how I got there and then calculate my possibility for error.

Does that ever happen to you? No? Odd.

And then when you come out from thinking maybe you're in the wrong restroom that lady has moved on to moisturizing her face. At this point you wonder why she didn't get ready at home? Or is this normal behaviour these days?

Also talking to people who are in a stall/from a stall. Akward? Or socially acceptable?

I have done this with pretty close friends, but it still creeps me out because everyone else in the restroom is very obviously listening to us.

I don't like people talking to my conversations. I listen to others' in public and they always sound stupid.... So I'm pretty sure I also sound stupid when I talk to people who don't know me....

And then you add in the fact that you're in a bathroom.

Thanksgiving

It is about 3am or so... Even Patrick went to bed before me...weird.

I like cake.

My mom's cat is so FAT. Not even kidding. It is like 3 of my cat.

I'm feeling good about life. Like at peace with who I am and my skills and defects and areas that need improvement. I like this feeling. Finally.

Cat Olympics

Today we had the funniest time with Dinah.... We went to Walgreens at 1am for Christmas Decorations...but Dinah will NOT leave the garlands alone so we decided to wear her out...

Funniest picture ever of kitty ninja taking down Emilee.

Drink of the day is a mudslide.

Also picture of amazing steak and about one hundredth of the sweet mashed potatoes.

Mmmmm Yum.

This household has been keeping weird hours.

My weird 80s/crazy person look that happened today. You CAN curl your hair with a straightener.... Weird, right?

Hello Monday

Well, as the week starts over again I cannot say I am in any less of a melancholy mood than I have been all weekend. This new Pink Martini album, "Splendor in the Grass" is quite nice in matching it though. It makes me wish I was better at writing music. I try, but so far things sound super contrived and obvious. I suppose it takes a balance and there is some knack of not trying too hard. Which may be difficult for me.

I am fortunate to finally be in possession of a work schedule... it turned out nicely. I have my birthday and (one pen hits the floor, darn my cat found them) the day after it (two pens) off. I also have both days (three pens) after Christmas off, as well as Christmas obviously. And I don't think I have to be there till 2 the next day. Also I am a mid on New Years Eve and have New Years Day off.... It works beautifully! (waiting.... there are 2 more pens and a wine key up there....)

The odd thing about scheduling at work is they have 2 mids on Friday and Saturday.... But its not Elephant Bar, they DON'T need 2 mids. Instead they have the second mid come in at 2pm, to cover mid like things so that the first mid doesn't have to stay more than 8ish hours. Who does that? I mean as a person I'm fine with it.... But as a business person you're paying an extra manager when the first mid could just work for 10 hours instead. Bue thats the EBar talking.

The other day we had an Aloha Crash that started at 7pm and never stopped. We closed an hour early because of it. It was frustrating, but not unusual.... At least they weren't using KDS... lol

I do miss the crazy busy of EBar, but because of the lack of stress my life has been shaping up much nicer.... I have energy to do other things with my life. Like write this. I still am very defeatist about some things, but I'm sure that will come around.

New Organization

Alrighty, in an effort to stream line my completely random and scattered thoughts I have recombined my blogs... So all restaurant ranting will happen here as a) my need to be tactful about what I say to the general public limits my ability to write copious amounts (for a personal and completely untactful rant please call my cell), and b) I always babble about unrelated things anyways.... so maybe this is more relevant.

So I guess I'm not streamlining, I'm dumping in a smaller defined area.

Also, fashion blog demands time and was acting pissy about me creating a 3rd blog to take my time away.

Anywho- recent news...

On restaurants- I am the bar manager of a very inefficient bar. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. (A lot... see mom, see?)

On boys- pooh

On photo shoots- I had the best one ever this past week. Maybe soon I'll have retouched pictures for show and tell.

On sweet potatos- 3 potatoes make a crap load of mashed potatos... picture pending...

On Bejeweled- I WILL stop playing once I beat someone else... for the day at least.

On Flash Developers for Facebook- why do you people keep taking my tme and holding it hostage and cutting its fingers off? Why can't you do something more meaningful?

On MAC- Best foundation ever. Don't let your cat knock it over.

On being younger than everyone you're in charge of- Sucky, sucky pressure.

On cars- Bad timing and annoying. Also pooh... Please refer to boys.

On dads- Awesome.

On CHP- Great when not writing you tickets.

On Coffee- The addiction is going strong!

On Vodka- Mud slide.

Okay, I think thats a nice overview.

Other Blogs

I'm moving my Restaurant Posts Back to Here.... Dey is below.

Nov 3,2009
Note to self- People don't like when the noob criticizes how you do things....

Sunday I forgot about the time change and since Burlingame serves brunch on Saturday and Sunday this caused me to be awake at 5am... I ALMOST walked out the door at 6am, but luckily just then noticed and had a 30 minute nap.

Anyways, I opened the restaurant, about the third time now. It's pretty smooth. The reports I have to do are sense making and minimal. We like that.

So far I love the food... On Sunday I had a breakfast croissant sandwich with chicken apple sausage....mmm it was good!

They keep making me follow servers which is incredably annoying because I know how to serve very well. I am frustrated that I am not spending that time studying the food. Every chance I get I just run away and hangout in the kitchen and learn.

I LOVE kitchen people. Juan, who runs the catering company, went to a Le Cordon Bleu school and also specializes in Italian and Spanish cooking as well as French. He is so cool to talk to and willing to answer all my questions. He is a huge fan of Italy and Italian food, we've been talking about it alot. I like sneaking away to spend time with him, because he understands the importance of managers learning about the food.

The kitchen manager and the sous chef (who recently came from Elephant Bar) are both named Miguel. They are also both really great to talk to. It's funny, sometimes KM Miguel runs front of house shifts also. He makes me think of Martin alot.

I have to say, on the overall, I am really impressed with their kitchen and their food. I want to be very involved in it as a front of house manager. I think doing diligent line checks is one thing I want to keep on top of. So far with the whirlwind of different things (following servers?) I've only been able to do one line check. Ahem, now I need a thermometer, Freddy stole mine.

This weekend was super slow, probably due to Halloween. On Saturday they let the servers dress up, which was nice. I like to see a little work spirit here and there. Or alot. Yah know.

Alright, well I'm back at work tomorrow and I'll have more to talk about.

Oct 30, 2009

Zee Resteraunt... Eet is yourhz

Alrighty... I am going to continue my restaurant blog over here. It just seems like a good idea. I like things to be congruous.

Anyways- Yesterday, which I thought was Wednesday and was apparantly Thursday, was my second day of training in the restaurant. There was a big meeting that took FOREVER that I was not part of. The bartender however was. So I was told to "watch" the bar while Jan (an assistant manager) watched the floor. And then happy hour started. Mind you, I know none of their recipes. All I know is a shot by their standards is 1.25 oz.... So I got to have a little fun there... left ALONE for happy hour. *Pet Peeve* When someone who does not have access to the keg room asks for the a keg change...and does not get it right away... Generally I need a keg change because I am in the middle of selling that beer to a customer. NOT, as popular thought apparantly is, because I was just playing around with the taps and ran one until it ran out.

Obvious goal- As a manager, do not forget that when a bartender needs something from the liquor room... it's not just for fun.

Today- I more or less did all of the opening today. From now on whenever I come in in the morning I shall be doing all of the opening work. Scary. Not for me...but just scary that they trust me with all of that. Then I played server...shadowing another server. I got bored after awhile and just started taking tables and getting them things. I can out serve alot of people. Not to sound cocky, but I can. I can't stand the lack of urgency of some of the staff. I know we are not turning and burning here, but there is a certain promptness which people deserve. Getting drinks out, being on top of refills, being accommodating, bussing the crap out of everything... I cannot stand a lack of acknowledgment... Fine, don't greet them... But let them know you're aware they exist. I know myself I get so fidgety if my server doesn't acknowledge me... You start wondering if maybe you're invisible. Like last night I went out for a few drinks (different place)... We started wondering if maybe a car had hit us and we were dead... It took the bartender(s) a decade to even acknowledge our existence. Seriously guys. The server in me can just not let the manager in me let this continue to happen.

Alright... I'm going to leave this entry on an abrupt note as always..

Yummy food...

I thought I would post random pictures of food I've made recently.Sauteed veggies over 7 grain pasta with sauce. And fresh garlic bread.Herb salad with marinated onion and tomato and fresh mozarella.



Fake chicken fajitas. Fake chicken is very good in fajitas. Not so in caeser salad. I used onions, peppers, and seasoning and then put it in corn tortillas with Southwestern salsa. With a side of black beans and cheese.Bocaburger with grilled onions topped with melted cheese on whole wheat. Carrots!

Peppers are now the officially most eaten vegetable in this household.

SYTYCD rants 1st week of eliminations

My tirade on the first perform/eliminate show...
First off I think it sucks that they couldn't do a seperate show...so much pressure.

Secondly- Noooo Billy.... His technique is amazing and when he performs he knows how to PERFORM...not just do the contemporary thing and turn inward... I want to steal him and make him do LOTS of ballet FOREVER.

Ahem... Noelle, I don't even remember her. Isn't that sad?

1st number waaas- Phillip, I expected him to do well at the Jive and I think he did do pretty well. Channing....I agree, not using her plie. Not a bad number, but what I expected.

2nd- Ah Jakob, can I have him also? Ashleigh was like a glittery prop for this.... His jumps are AMAZING. I liked the number...but would have liked to see a female who could have shone a little more against him.

3rd- I thought Peter did okay with the hip hop moves. Ariana was dull. Between them they could have made the piece alot cuter, funnier, charater-y, something. Just bleh.

4th- Poor Russell. Melanie is scary looking. And it was so dark for this piece it was hard to see him. More lighting please. I think he did well, but it was hard to judge.

5th- I tend to like Tyce pieces... I liked this one alot once I thought about it. I thought Bianca did insanely well... her being a tapper and all. Something about the costumes turned me off though.

6th- Karen and Kevin cha cha. Ugh. Sometimes Toni and Meredith's choreography falls SO flat for me. The costuming was stupid for starters. She was all sparkly and he was boring. He looked like an escort she'd hired just to sortof go to a dinner party with her. He is a pretty man, though, I'll admit. No wonder he models. Anywho- She is hot, but I feel like their choreography ignored him, which is unfair, since he is a competing dancer- not just a partner. And using "Push It" as music? I was waiting for the dance to start the whole time.... I felt like (with the help of the music) the dance was just idling the whole time. Yes, Karen is hot and can shake her hips...but that doesn't make the piece good.

7th- Crazy crazy face Sonya I'm emo but live in candyland look how I did my hair today's choreography... I think I would have liked it more...if the music had been better. Again I never really felt like it got going. Also not impressed with Ellenore...I feel she is extremely cocky but never delivers the quality of dance that cockiness warrants. It was okay, but Sonya is on a meh streak for me.

8th- Pauline and Brandon... OMG fucking cute tiny asian couple.... OMG cute asian couple at prom... awwww. Umm... Where was the glideyness of the smooth waltz? I felt it was not good, if pretty. Poor dude got the short end of the stick. They should have just had Pasha or someone come fill in... Then in the event Noelle doesn't get fixed (she had a HUGE brace on) then they can make a partnership out of her and Billy's partners. It's not like they don't KNOW a fuckton of dancers who would drop everything to fill in... So sortof Pauline got the short end of the stick also.

9th- Kathryn and Legacy? I don't remember Kathryn? But I do now! I thought it was fun, funny, had spark....and they did really well. I think it had the entertainment quality I expect PLUS was well executed. Costuming was also creative and stuffs.

10th- OMFG, sign them to Disney. I can't handle the cuteness....
However, that being said.... I LOVE good disco... (I would right?) And I thought it was GREAT, and retardedly fast which is GREAT!

Eliminations Boys- That was just unfair. Poor Brandon, and well I don't think Russell deserves bottom 2. Gotta say as much as I like Russell, I thought Brandon had a much better solo.

Girls- Pauline was also at a disadvantage. Ariana- don't remember her. I know shes contemporary...(is she?) but there are so many better contemporary, ballet, jazz dancers out there who can do exactly what she was doing. Plus her solo was desperate.

Ahem...thats it for now...

There is a divide....

It is a divide of the blogs... If you wish to read about my restaurant time it is now here at My Time With Max...

If you wish to read about my random thought doodling than please continue to follow here. Or follow both. Its all good.

Notes to self....

Noooo Billy.
Gah Jakob is too good.
I shall explain later.

1st Day in the Restaurant...

Yesterday was really my 1st day, but it was mostly paperwork, so I don't want to talk about it right now.

Today was my 1st day at Max's in Burlingame. I will be working at Max's on the Square in San Francisco once I finish my training on November 25th. I'm very happy about this...because... as much as I like Burlingame, it is sortof slow there, and I sortof like being busy. It is sortof glamorous working in the city...especially on Union Square and when your company pays your parking. I will be on Union Square. Duh. Also a very good friend is just starting as a manager 3 blocks away, so I can go get drunk at his restaurant/meet for lunch/after shift meals.

I love the restaurant so far. All the managers are awesome. The servers actually care about their job. The food is amazing. The food quality and control over food quality blows my mind. I learned so much today...how to open primarily... Alot of info in my head.

All in all, it is a very short training program. It is only one month... but that is okay... I am more of a doer and training makes me antsy...so I prefer to get it over with quick.

Ugh I'm SOOO tired. And I'm half drunk... three olives cherry vodka is VERY good. I need to sleep...

A new job!

New mission- to write almost daily, starting tomorrow... to chronicle my journey as an assistant manager at Max's restaurants.

I start in the morning at Max's on the Square. I'm super excited, I've always loved their restaurants, and now I work for them!

You've got to love any place that offers you coffee and pumpkin cheesecake at your first interview.

Ugh...I ate too much cake...

Emilee and I walked to Safeway tonight, where I redeemed my free sandwich coupon and we also bought cake. I ate too much cake. Life just needs to slow the hell down, eating to deal with it never works.

So my car is booted, I may not have a job tomorrow, and I still have no credit cards or checks. Lovely.

Yes, I'm being over dramatic.

Oh well...

Things I would like...

No Debts.
To post to my blog daily without dragging my feet and being silly.
To practice my instrument daily.
For the SF DPT to explode mysteriously.
To work for an employer with ethics that treats his/her employees well on at LEAST one level.
A car that is not only amazingly fabulous but shrinks down to hand held size when you need to park.
To go to the gym/dance at least every other day.
To stop eating cheesecake and hot cheetos.
Shoes.

Things I dislike...

Ill behaved children.
Bugs.
Stupid hos.
My employer.
People who rob cars.
The SF DPT.
Brakes.
The fact that I am nowhere near as good at organizing my life as everyone/everyplace elses. (ie work... if I could tackle my life with half the time I spend at work than I would be amazing.)
When insanely intelligent and nice people can't get amazing jobs working for people that don't suck.
Trolls.
The fact that someday in the future I may have to once again search for a roommate.
Money.

I'm just rambling really. I was remembering earlier how I like to write. But I didn't really know where to start, since once you get out of the habit, it's hard to do. So rambling is as good a place as any. It's like one big sounding board.

Recently I read this book, "Bitter is the New Black" by Jen Lancaster. It was entertaining, but she didn't REALLY get evicted. Just almost evicted. So disappointing.

I am also currently reading the "Crown of Stars" series by Kate Elliott. It's good but a little sloggy and probably 4,200 pages in total.

Really, today was really bad. I was going to go to band and also to make some returns at Target and to buy garbage bags...but I got out the door and saw my car was booted. I think literally my heart almost stopped. And then I freaked out and couldn't find my trumpet or the items for return, when in all actuality I left them in the hallway to my house once I saw the car. I almost fainted. Seriously.

Things I am grateful for right now...

My family loves me.
I have shelves.
Rent is not due yet.

Current Thoughts

Well...

I am graduating this weekend. Or rather not. I decided not to walk. My parent's would rather take me to dinner, and I would rather not sit in the elements for 6 hours straight. Expect graduation announcements....

Work is stressful. I sortof short circuited and stopped existing in the full spectrum of life for awhile. Oh well. I think I'm coming back to normal-ish. For those of you who don't already know... I'm now bartending and shift leading in addition to serving.

My last wind ensemble concert was a few weeks ago. It actually went really well. I am hoping to play with another group of some type in the near future. Perchance I could play again with them in the Fall, but that is so far away that I'm not counting on it.

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Again I question happiness... At work I am being offered quite an opportunity, the chance to become a manager in the future of a large corporate restaurant. However this week I've been very upset over the realization that this job takes up all the energy I want to spend on dance, music, theatre, and other endeavours. A job which I took because it allowed me the time and income to focus on other things is now taking over. So I am starting to think that I need to reevaluate what I really want. Do I want to just serve and spend the majority of my time auditioning for acting and modeling gigs? Or do I continue on with the career that "society" approves of? The status that comes with such a job is nice. You feel accepted, good at what you do, as if you have status. Because in this world you do, a manager has some status. It may be a shitty status in the great scheme of things. But it is something, and many don't have it. Mostly I feel flattered, and I like anything that makes me feel like I'm good at something. Don't we all? Don't humans want to be successful? But I'm good at many things. I guess I am just drawn torwards whichever one I'm being openly praised for at the moment. It is not hard to do. I think the reason most people don't is because perhaps they are not that good at many things.

Part of the hesitance to give up the management opportunities lies in the uncertainty in the other path. The life of an artist is pretty rough. Unless a large studio or agency likes you and continues to use you, than it's a hard life. There are so many actors out there, even consistantly working ones...who we still never hear about. Yeah you land a decent gig...you're ok. But it is hard to make a living doing single shoots or tv spots. It's the unknown versus the known, so of course the known is the easiest path to follow. I become a manager at Elephant Bar I pretty much no what I'm in for. As long as I'm not stupid and I don't break any rules, that I have a job. As someone who dabbles in music, dances, acts, and on occassion models... I can't depend on anything.

And on that abrupt note...I'm off to bed.

A thought and an update

In this world, we often feel sorry for ourselves...when in all reality it is our fault. It is our fault when we let people torment us and our fault for giving them that power. I know someone who is completely devastated, obsessed, and devoured due to another. The person who tortures them obviously doesn't see the good in them, doesn't value their qualities. (As much as the first party would like to believe.) Often in these situations (and indeed this one) people keep giving that bad person the power, they let them control their emotions, life, and every action. Every breathing moment of life is spent doing things in such a way that "Maybe they'll see and realize they do love me." It can come off as sad, it can come off as desperate, and it's never going to work out that way. Speaking from recent experience... It is not unusual or unnatural or unhealthy to yearn for or mourn for someone you lose for a little while, it is actually better, otherwise it's going to come back to get you later. But at a certain point you have to grudgingly start severing those ties, distract yourself, tuck the letters away in a drawer. Stop stalking them on facebook. (This was my huge flaw for awhile.) If you ever want to have a chance at a healthy and well formed relationship with that person, you have to stop giving them power over you. Otherwise you become their plaything, their slave. This being said, they have some growing to do too...and you better realize that. Otherwise you are weak and will throw yourself at them when they say they need you, when they probably are only going to use you. But once you start this process you give yourself a chance. And you may even surprise yourself, in the resignation of not having that person you may find someone even better. And it is hard to admit they are better at first, it's hard to be open to being with them and not saying "Oh we're just having fun"... But as you let everything slip and get back to being you, you'll realize that you are happier then that other person ever made you feel. Eventually that other person, who is bad for you, will fade to a memory...maybe you thihnk of them and the good times and still regret the way some things happened, but you don't let them have that power to twist you into something that isn't you. You will stop throwing yourself at them... You will stop plotting to kill their significant other... You will never give in when they call you crying and say they want you and only you... You will realize that they just broke up and are lonely or only want you for the basest reasons... But right now you can't. You need to stop holding them close to your heart and let life happen in its beautiful way.

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And now for something completely different...

Recent events are quite interesting. I was scouted a few weeks ago, via my online modeling portfolio by a casting director for America's Next Top Model. It turns out that this cycle they are only taking short models. So I said, alright, sounds like fun... (Thinking this lady was crazy.) But she was serious, I talked with her on the phone, then met her at Starbucks. A couple days ago (Tuesday) I went to do the actual audition. The recruited girls had to show up at 7am, but we got to go straight in. (Thank goodness I wasn't open call...those girls were outside in the rain when I got there and still there when I left at 9am.) The audition was simple, talking in front of a camera...the application was 15 pages long though, plus some photos. There were only about 30 girls recruited from the Bay Area, so that is sortof a compliment in itsself. So this being the second audition stop, it may be awhile before I hear back....the videos have to be watched by everyone- including Tyra!

That being said, I'm thinking when I send my stuff out to agencies, I'll look for modeling representation as well as acting.