Current Thoughts

Well...

I am graduating this weekend. Or rather not. I decided not to walk. My parent's would rather take me to dinner, and I would rather not sit in the elements for 6 hours straight. Expect graduation announcements....

Work is stressful. I sortof short circuited and stopped existing in the full spectrum of life for awhile. Oh well. I think I'm coming back to normal-ish. For those of you who don't already know... I'm now bartending and shift leading in addition to serving.

My last wind ensemble concert was a few weeks ago. It actually went really well. I am hoping to play with another group of some type in the near future. Perchance I could play again with them in the Fall, but that is so far away that I'm not counting on it.

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Again I question happiness... At work I am being offered quite an opportunity, the chance to become a manager in the future of a large corporate restaurant. However this week I've been very upset over the realization that this job takes up all the energy I want to spend on dance, music, theatre, and other endeavours. A job which I took because it allowed me the time and income to focus on other things is now taking over. So I am starting to think that I need to reevaluate what I really want. Do I want to just serve and spend the majority of my time auditioning for acting and modeling gigs? Or do I continue on with the career that "society" approves of? The status that comes with such a job is nice. You feel accepted, good at what you do, as if you have status. Because in this world you do, a manager has some status. It may be a shitty status in the great scheme of things. But it is something, and many don't have it. Mostly I feel flattered, and I like anything that makes me feel like I'm good at something. Don't we all? Don't humans want to be successful? But I'm good at many things. I guess I am just drawn torwards whichever one I'm being openly praised for at the moment. It is not hard to do. I think the reason most people don't is because perhaps they are not that good at many things.

Part of the hesitance to give up the management opportunities lies in the uncertainty in the other path. The life of an artist is pretty rough. Unless a large studio or agency likes you and continues to use you, than it's a hard life. There are so many actors out there, even consistantly working ones...who we still never hear about. Yeah you land a decent gig...you're ok. But it is hard to make a living doing single shoots or tv spots. It's the unknown versus the known, so of course the known is the easiest path to follow. I become a manager at Elephant Bar I pretty much no what I'm in for. As long as I'm not stupid and I don't break any rules, that I have a job. As someone who dabbles in music, dances, acts, and on occassion models... I can't depend on anything.

And on that abrupt note...I'm off to bed.