Sunday, February 8, 2009


Well, we all know I have two disasterous relationships in my life that I wish could be better. I've decided, in light of current events, that the one is not getting fixed today. This is the one I've been miserable over, so I need to do something with my energy. So I've decided to try again to make ammends on the other one. (I had recently proclaimed that the ball was in her court and I have nothing to do with it. But whatever, life is obviously too short.) This particular person is strange, I have no idea what I did. Unlike my other mess-up this may have been caused by me being me was no longger what she wanted in her life. Whereas I screwed up the other thing by not being me. (Do you ever feel like you can't win? Thats why I guess you should just be you.)

What I wanted to write about before I went into a manic deppressive spiral last night, was percieved right time. (But then I have to be a girl...which menas then crying all night and and hangover of depressed when you wake up at 1am, which means Tully's because making coffee isw ridiculous by then. Yeah don't be a girl.) However, one of my past favorite singer, Trisha Yearwood, had said about her desire for a recording career that she would go out and try making music and recording once she lost a considerable amount of weight. And she finally realized that this was ridiculous, and she just went out there and started recording and became a star. But her percieved right time was when she was 25 pounds lighter. Obviously she was wrong, her percieved right time was not good for her goals, she didn't need it. So when are we doing that in our life? When are we waiting for that perfect moment to do something? You sit there and calculate the way you think everyone else will react, what stuff you own, what experience you have, plan how to make yourself look better for whatever you want to do, and to what end? Is it really going to help? Or better yet, are you really ever going to do those things that you see as prerequisites? Or will they forever going to be stumbling blocks to your hopes and dreams. From now on lets try to do things we want to do, regardless of if we think the time is right. If you don't make it happen than it will never happen. And you get into a habit of putting things off, until you are completely crippled.

Oh well, at least my mom thinks I'm profound.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Chasing Pavements

I suppose in life all you an ever do is keep on living. I'm not someone who believes in suicide (although I don't judge anyone for it- normally there are other factors), so as long as you wake up in the morning- you're here, like it or not. So thing is you can keep on being who you are if everyone is happy or you can change it. Sometimes it takes someone else to realize that you don't like who you are. And the thing is it's not always that you yourself are a bad person or need to change, but rather you are a changed or bad person due to some variables in life. So maybe you do not need to change forwards into someone else, but get back to who you are. But how do you prove to someone that you've gotten back to you if you have no contact with them. Not many of us are going to be able to have it published in the paper.